Photo Shoot =D

Cos I Need You

I can take the rain pouring down on the roof of my empty house. That doesn’t bother me. I can take the tears flowing down my cheeks, and not seeing you there to wipe them away. I’m not afraid to keep wearing this mask, and keep smiling and laughing even though I feel like crying. I’m not upset that I always need to pretend that I’m okay. What hurts me the most, is being so close, and having so much to say, and having somebody to listen, and needing to walk away. I have seen what could be, I now know what love is. I wish I could go back to that week.
It’s hard to deal with the pain, because it’s always in my heart. It’s hard to force that smile when I see so many couples and so many friends laughing, and I’m all alone. I get up and get dressed; I’m living with so much sadness and regret. If only I could start over, go back to that place. If only you were here. I don’t need you to wipe my tears, I need you to be here, so I’ll never need to cry again. I miss you. I need you. I miss you so much.

Photo Editsss

She skirted the question. Not consciously. Not so that she noticed. Not even so that others would notice. But I noticed. She never made a statement, but answered each question with a different question. It was this that unsettled me.
There was a way that she walked, a way that seemed abnormal and awkward. Her shoulders were back, yet her arms fell jerkily by her side, and her muscles were tense, as if pre-empting attack. Even her legs seemed withdrawn, as though a puppet master was controlling her, despite her desperate attempts to walk her own way.
There was the way that she talked. Clearly, with an ounce of confidence. But her eyes and nose wrinkled, and her throat kept pausing to swallow. Every now and then, she would stutter, but her eyes, her eyes disturbed me the most. Her eyes darted faster than a speeding bullet at every question that she was asked. Her eyes glazed over at this point, as if her mind was stressing, desparate for a way out, or perhaps another excuse to prevent her from whatever it was she was so afraid of. This girl was a fake. An actor. A lie. But a good one at that, for only I ever seemed to notice.
I always seem to notice these things. Things that separate each individual from somebody else. But one thing is the same for everyone, regardless of the age, gender, nationality, culture or, well, anything. Everybody has suffered pain. Everybody lives in fear. Everybody has secrets. And everybody, more than anything else, wants to be loved and to feel loved. Everybody wants a friend. Everybody wants to feel safe, and non-conflicted. But ultimately. Everybody is conflicted. Everybody hurts. Everybody is let down. So, we hold onto the moments where we feel safe and loved and protected, forever. That is why we take photographs. Why we sit around watching movies and making friendship bracelets. Why we hold onto safe moments for as long as it is possible. These are the moments we treasure, the moments that make everything else worthwhile. These are the times when we don’t need meditation and music, but when we are content simply with being. Breathing. Living. Being.

Adjournment

The world is in trouble. The amount and severity of issues currently facing young people is at paramount. Everybody has their own struggles. Their own hurdles they need to cross. For me, the biggest issue facing myself and my peers is mental illness. Mental illness in itself is an extremely large issue facing the entirety of the population. Because of this, i want to speak solely on anxiety.

Unless you are directly affected by anxiety, you would have no idea of what it is really like. Your mouth feels dry, it's a struggle to swallow. Your heart is reacing so fast you feel dizzy. Your legs turn to jelly as your lungs gasp for air. Somebody reaches out to you, and you flinch, or run, or anything you can think of to keep safe. Sometimes, people notice. You feel so stupid, as though you're a freak. You don't even know why you are behaving like this. Everybody is watching, and all you really want is to crawl into a deep, dark hole. You try to think of the good times, but it your head, there is a voice telling you that you never deserved them.

Of course, this is only one account of anxiety. Symptoms and reactions vary greatly from person to person.

Anxiety makes life such a struggle. It affects not only the individual but the people around them. So. What help is available?

In cities, you have access to counsellors, psyciatrists, psychologists, specialists, GP's, doctors, youth facilities, and on and on the list goes.

Rural towns do not have this advantage. In Mount Gambier, we have school counsellors, backlogged GP's, and the Community Mental Health Service known as CAMHS. CAMHS currently has a 6 month waiting list due to such high demand, and backlog due to emergencies. Because of this, suicide is one of the biggest killers of youth in Mount Gambier. We need help. Our town is in a situation few could honestly comprehend. Kids are dying.

Every year at YP, mental health is brought up, proving to me that it isn't just us facing this neverending battle. We need the Government's help. We need the Governments support. We need whatever we can get. We are trapped in a struggle that has seemingly no end. I plead, I beg, I emplore, please. Help us. We need the support and action of the Government or there will never be an end. More kids will die.

For all those suffering from mental illness, you know what i mean, and how i feel. To you all, please, keep going. Keep hoping. Maybe we will get help before it is too late. Wish on an airplane, reach for the stars, buzz like a bee, lean on me, smile, whatever lyric takes your fancy. Live and be proud. When no-one else is there, please contact me, and i promise that i will love you. To me, you are all amazing, or you wouldn't be here.